another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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