He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
