He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
