I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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