dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
