He is an equal opportunity slut.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
