Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
