just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Couch. On fire.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
