Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
