end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
