The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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