there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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