he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's never too late to be topless.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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