Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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