Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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