just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
