If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
