I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
