did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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