Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
