when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Still dying that you shit outside
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
