I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
