I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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