My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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