You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
