nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
