she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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