honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
