and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
