I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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