I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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