i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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