we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
