we made out on top of his cat.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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