i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
