I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
