i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
