you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
