He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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