Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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