this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
