Are we in a gay sports bar?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
