Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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