wrigley field is MILF paradise
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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