these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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