Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
