I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
