he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
