she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
