Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i dont even know how to be here
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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